When I had severe post natal depression among other ailments I spent myriad hours beating myself up about all the things I wasn’t. I was so desperately unhappy with all my perceived imperfections. I managed to beat myself up and into a corner. I told myself that I was too incapable, too fat, too crazy, too worthless, too lacking in confidence, too lazy, too unskilled and inept as a parent. I was so scared of failing I prematurely failed myself….
What I didnt ‘get’ is that every single parenting adventure is unique. And everyone to varying degrees is winging this gig. There’s no fool proof manual that comes with your baby… and they are all unique individuals who will come with their triumphs and challenges. I think I sobbed everyday for 18 months that I wasn’t up to it. I put myself down, I really did.
I would tell myself I wasn’t good enough. And that I was too inadequate and imperfect to be gifted another human life. My husband would beg me to “take the pressure off myself” as I drew all the comparisons with others as proof for why I was a failure. And it wasn’t until recently that I discovered this truth which showed me the light and set me free:
Our kids don’t need perfect mums. In fact kids are born without ridiculous expectations. They certainly don’t need size 6 mums that are constantly starving. They don’t even need mums with all the answers. Nor do they need mums who have it ALL figured out. What they do need is far more simple…
They need mums who love them unconditionally irrespective of awards, grades, triumphs or perceived failures. They need mums who will nurture them and gift them the best of themselves. They need mums who will instinctively care for them in the best way they know how. Children aren’t born with irrational expectations, just like they’re not born with manuals.
What our kids do need is a mum (or Dad) who is happy. They need a parent who can genuinely role model self-love, care and compassion. They need a parent who does their very best to stay happy and healthy and not just for them, but for themselves too.
They need a role model who believes in themselves, fun and sharing a living spree even if it means feeling silly. They need someone who will help keep them safe and well and be the best version of themselves that they can damn well be. They will not ask for more than that but they will love you to the moon and back for the effort. ❤