A poem about mental wellbeing and life’s important lessons.
Yesterday I had the worst panic attack,
I’ve ever had in my life.
But then learning something valuable,
Came from the hellish strife.
The burning of the burden,
As anxiety inflamed my heart.
I wanted a chance to let it go.
But didn’t quite know where to start.
So the panic continued to rise,
Like chronic reflux in my throat.
As I sat and tried to remember,
A soothing, mindful quote.
Because I know that words can at times,
Alleviate some pain,
While others sting right to the core,
With nothing learned or gained.
They can also be truly toxic.
Of the ilk you can’t rescind.
The ones that haunt long after,
The words and breath hit air and wind.
In quiet contemplation,
Yesterday, I stared at the road ahead,
And breathed a heavy sigh of doubt,
That I’d continue to make it out of bed.
For too long I’ve force myself on auto pilot,
And turn the light switches on.
Knowing there’s no point remaining in darkness,
Over days that are long gone.
But I knew I was still carrying,
A truly tortured and evil sting,
That stopped my confidence and zest to live,
To dance and then to sing.
I promised myself to press on,
Along the rugged path,
Even if it continued,
Until the day that was my last.
But little did I know,
An angel would carry me with her sage advice,
That could stand me in good stead,
For a new way of living life.
It has been one foot in front of the other,
One less nanosecond wept,
One more night survived,
Irrespective of whether I slept.
But the most legit veteran words came yesterday,
From a legend in her field
And it rang true like a new defence,
A warm protective shield.
“Do not invest emotional energy,
In those who don’t wish you well.
There’s a special place beneath the ground…
Where they can stay in hell.”
And those words would eased my burden,
The burning did subside,
And I realized the shadows of the darkness,
Were not my place in which to hide.
I felt alleviation,
From the insidious disease,
And a total revolution,
That it’s not my place to please.
Least of all for those,
Who’ve harmed my psyche past.
And I have faith that this epiphany,
Will be one to truly last.
Because the burden has been lifted,
I’ve emerged from behind the cloud.
So finally I can speak these words,
Both silently and aloud.
Before this chance encounter,
That changed my mind, my heart and soul.
And let me be free to just be me,
Instead of conforming to a role.
The only advice the voice didn’t promise,
Was that EVERYTHING would be ok,
But of all the words uttered,
That wasn’t something the voice could say.
There was the version of ‘before this’ me,
BUT now there is the then….
And with those words I realized.
Things will never get so bad again.
This is my only life,
And I’ll do my best because…
I’ll be damned if I stay forever,
In the shadow of who I was.