My big fat crazy Aussie family


You know what is crazy? I mean, apart from the obvious answer of me. My life is also crazy. But my family and home life in particular is NEXT LEVEL. I swear they’re right up there. I’m not kidding when I say the madness is never ending. And literally every day without exception is a new adventure.

This morning at home, I tried to do the school run. But, as we went to toddle out of the door I realized the car keys were missing. A desperate scavenger hunt ensued and I finally gave up the search after forty five minutes and called a taxi. However I soon realized that I couldn’t pay for the taxi because I had no cash on me, and had had my eftpos card cancelled and reissued YESTERDAY. Because, I had some time prior taken up an unwanted subscription for a business I couldn’t categorically account for.

This perplexing position resulted in me sitting around contemplating opening up my son’s money box with a can opener which is definitely a ‘plan c’ effort. My only glimmer of hope however, was the lady from 13cabs who told me she’d pray for me. And added that in her culture as soon as you tell someone something is lost it miraculously turns up.

Of course, I immediately walked over to the bench I’d already searched multiple times and there the keys were tucked neatly inside a stubbie holder. I gave myself a momentary and silent pat on the back that for all my failings I hadn’t already reached for that yet prior to school drop off.

But it got me thinking… I’m so hard on myself for being a tad neurodiverse when in others I see it as an endearing quality. Our cat is completely untamably wild. Our dog doesn’t go by ‘mad dog’ for no reason. Our five year old can recite the football fixture for the remainder of the AFL home and away season and his favourite musician is Freddy Mercury. Which makes him at best… a touch eclectic.

Our Italian friend Giulia is living with us and helping at home and she thought nothing of catching the night rider bus home from Bayswater to Croydon the other night, minus three tickets but plus Ted in his pyjamas who had walked 2kms to get there. Did I mention our rescue dog was in tow? He proceeded to jump up on the seat.

At first I suspected the retelling of this story was a tall tale from a prep with a vivid imagination but I can’t even pretend I was completely shocked when it turned out to be 100% true. And when I mentioned the the incident to my sister she all but yawned and casually explained that bus drivers weren’t compliance officers.

Wait! What?!

So the fact that our 14 year old rescue dog caught the night rider bus home with my five year old in his pyjamas and an Italian AuPair was probably not really a biggie in terms of random stuff that goes down in Melbourne’s Outer East. Which really begs the question is this illness REALLY about me? OR have I just adapted to the unreal reality that surrounds me?

I kind of knew it was them to be honest. ALL of that just happened with the characters in our house and the majority of it in the last 48 hours. Maybe it’s true what they say… no great mind ever existed without a touch of madness. Ours certainly don’t. But be sure to read my book ‘The Long Way’ though… because I can’t even wait to introduce you to everyone else including the ‘characters’ in the extended family…



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