A heartfelt letter to my Suicidal Self from my Well Self

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Mental-Health

Dear Suicidal Self,

You’ve been down this rugged path before. You’ve been gripped by the darkness, buried in your own tears and rendered helpless in days gone by. But today you have a friend in me, Your Well Self. You don’t have to face this alone. I am here to remind you not every day will be this way. You must put your faith in me you voice of reason. Keep on fighting.

You have pulled yourself out of this situation a number of times now. Self, you can do it again. This need not be the beginning of the end. Allow there to be hope for us, and for our future together. It really is your only sensible option. In fact, it’s your only option for survival.

Please Self, give us a fighting chance. This hurt and pain will eventually subside. You will not carry this weight forever. This sadness may be chemical, or circumstantial, but don’t let it rob us of our future together. Self, if you have the strength for one thing, call the doctor. If you can’t do that, call a friend, associate, counsellor or family member. You must reach out and speak your truth.

There are people out there who want to help you Self. You must believe it and embrace the fact during this difficult time. Think of the times before you didn’t let these intrusive feelings win. Muster up that strength again, Self. Because your life depends on it. Your loved ones depend on it. The world as we know it depends on it.

You are not alone in this fight and battle for survival. People around you will rally. They will help you put one foot in front of the other in the days to come. Self, you have dreams. Don’t let them dissipate into nothing. You want to be happy again, so take a chance on that. It’s worth fighting for a brighter future. Take a chance on yourself.

Take a chance on your loved ones, that they will support you in this. Take a chance on your future. Allow your hopes, dreams and ambitions to resurface. They can still come to fruition. Self, this is all still possible if you just head my advice. Phone a trusted confidant, and let them in on your situation. You don’t have to face this alone. Despite your feelings of isolation and exhaustion you must know you are never alone.

Sure it’s clichéd, but Self, seeking help is the first step towards a recovery journey. Take a sensible option and reach out – metaphorically, physically whatever it takes to let someone know you are okay. You’ve done this before and you can do it again. You’ve got this Self. We’ve got this together. I’m here for you. I’ve got your back.

Self, never, ever allow it to be your loved ones who are missing that someone special at their birthday or Christmas table. You wouldn’t wish that loss on anyone, would you? Don’t let your mind play tricks or games on you, pretending your absence would go unnoticed. It’s the furthest thing from the truth and Self, you know it deep down. There are milestones you need to reach, and in particular tomorrow.

I know you just want the hurt to end Self, but suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems. Can you imagine Self, right now, the news of the loss of a loved one? The reality of not seeing them again would be crushing. It would jolt you at the core. Don’t let that scenario play out for your loved ones. And don’t you dare let it play out for yourself. Feel that heartbeat, Self? It beats just for you. And asks nothing in return other than that you allow it to beat. Don’t let that big heart down, Self.

Please conserve that energy that’s occupying your mind contemplating a way out, and save that thought space for your recovery, your next step and the next time you put one foot in front of the other. You might hate me right now Self, for not allowing what you deem to be an “easy way out.” But trust me when I say, one day you will thank me for being with you through this, and speaking truth through my voice of reason. I have seen this before. You have come out the other side. You will again. I am of confident of that fact.

One day soon Self, you will thank me for reminding you that life is worth it. Your loved ones are worth it. You are worth it. Thank you Self, for remembering me and believing in me enough to read these words again. As your well self I wrote this as your safety net, because I know how that darkness can spread and engulf you. Please be assured that your negative thoughts will go eventually. They are just thoughts, they may distress you but they will not hurt you unless you act impulsively. Self, you do not want to do that…not ever, but certainly not today.

Keep these words I have given you Self. Never get rid of them. They are the words of wisdom from your well self. Hopefully you will not need them in the future. But if you ever happen to do so, they will be right here, waiting, to gently remind you that you are not alone. Never alone.

I promise you, that if you trust in me today together we can still fulfill our dreams. There really is so much more to live for. Sending all my love and strength to you My Suicidal Self. I’ll be waiting for you. I am hear waiting with you now, and you will find me inside you on the other side of this.

Love and light always,

Your Well Self.

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If you need support in Australia right now, call Lifeline on 13 11 14

Or seek out immediate services as outlined by Beyond Blue at https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support

 

 

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